You said you will be there for me when I'm down or when I needed someone but you didn't give a shit when I was feeling horrible and when I was lonely.

The ugly truth.

You literally shouted at me at my worst emotional condition and didn't even bother to ask me 'are you okay?'

You just left and ignored me.

How uglier can it be?

Where are you?

It felt like forever since I wrote something here.

Life's been a bitch. I don't know what to share here anymore. I felt lifeless and miserable.

I don't know if its karma that hit me or its just a phase that everyone will go through but I know this is seriously one of the hardest phase I have been through.
Its been the toughest months and the days felt so long especially when I'm eager for the things that I want to happen. Obviously it didn't.

I was told that I'm living in an imaginary life.... and in denial. As much as it hurts, at the moment I feel comfortable being this way. I avoid talking about it, avoid mentioning about it, avoid answering questions about it and avoid myself from accepting the fact.

I just don't want to accept certain things yet. The truth is always ugly. I am not strong enough to face it yet. I am still looking for the courage. And I'm definitely learning. Learning how to love myself more and learn how to handle things correctly.
A gentle reminder that I always hear, I would like to share: Putting someone before yourself all the time is wrong.

Well of course, when there are downs, there are sure to be ups to compliment each other.

I just got back from Gold Coast. It was really a good trip, an escape for me to be precise to keep myself away from all the shit that I never welcomed.

A sneak peek from my trip :) More to come soon on facebook!

I've gained so much fats during this holiday. Mom is always cooking good stuff for dinner. But I don't blame her for that. I blame the weather for always raining in the evening! I couldn't do my jogging routine like how I used to back in uni.

Note to self: Work out at least three times a week! By hook or crook baby!

Semester is commencing next Monday. Hopefully it'll be a good one for us. Boy, time flies! I'm in senior year soon! It didn't feel like I've been there for two years at all. My first year memories are still so vivid! God I miss the lifestyle in uni. So much freedom and yet it takes so much of discipline to achieve the things that I want. Its really a good disciplinary practice. I can't wait to go back uni. I feel grown up there. And life is so colourful there. LOL. I totally didn't mean that I can't wait to grow up and get old. I just like the freedom I get and make decisions on my own in a lot of things that I do.

I know it's gonna be a challenging semester for me. I have new commitments and a lot of near future goals that I want to achieve. I pray hard everything will go smooth sailing and I'll be strong enough to go through whatever that may be an obstacle for me.

I'm gonna party hard and work even harder! :)

Ache

Seeing your face, hearing your voice, answering your questions, hearing your stories, listening to you breathing, smelling your scent, feeling your touch...

It all felt like a knife striking right through my heart. Continuously.

Me eyes felt like there are a million blades cutting them.

BEACH!

I never knew I love the beach so much.

I was wayyy to excited when we were heading there and I was smiling from ear to ear the whole time!

We did the parasail and jetski which is totally awesome pawsome and we were screaming most of the time! But our thighs hurt like shit while jet skiing, no joke it totally felt like sex on the beach.

Awesome group picture! :D

And thank you both of you girls for coming all the way to Penang to get excited together! :D

The ones who love you will never leave, because even if there are a million reasons to let go, they will still find one single reason to hold on.

Period.

Gundah

Its been a while since I last posted a picture online.

It's been a tough month for me.

Hope it'll be a better one for me next month.

Can't wait for the upcoming vacations!

Holding On

Weak.

Slow.

Quiet.

Insomnia.

Scars.

Unproductive.

Unwanted.

Not needed.

Fake smiles.

Depression.

Helpless.

Distraught.

Unmotivated.

They all come with a face stained by tears all the time.