Where are you?

It felt like forever since I wrote something here.

Life's been a bitch. I don't know what to share here anymore. I felt lifeless and miserable.

I don't know if its karma that hit me or its just a phase that everyone will go through but I know this is seriously one of the hardest phase I have been through.
Its been the toughest months and the days felt so long especially when I'm eager for the things that I want to happen. Obviously it didn't.

I was told that I'm living in an imaginary life.... and in denial. As much as it hurts, at the moment I feel comfortable being this way. I avoid talking about it, avoid mentioning about it, avoid answering questions about it and avoid myself from accepting the fact.

I just don't want to accept certain things yet. The truth is always ugly. I am not strong enough to face it yet. I am still looking for the courage. And I'm definitely learning. Learning how to love myself more and learn how to handle things correctly.
A gentle reminder that I always hear, I would like to share: Putting someone before yourself all the time is wrong.

Well of course, when there are downs, there are sure to be ups to compliment each other.

I just got back from Gold Coast. It was really a good trip, an escape for me to be precise to keep myself away from all the shit that I never welcomed.

A sneak peek from my trip :) More to come soon on facebook!

I've gained so much fats during this holiday. Mom is always cooking good stuff for dinner. But I don't blame her for that. I blame the weather for always raining in the evening! I couldn't do my jogging routine like how I used to back in uni.

Note to self: Work out at least three times a week! By hook or crook baby!

Semester is commencing next Monday. Hopefully it'll be a good one for us. Boy, time flies! I'm in senior year soon! It didn't feel like I've been there for two years at all. My first year memories are still so vivid! God I miss the lifestyle in uni. So much freedom and yet it takes so much of discipline to achieve the things that I want. Its really a good disciplinary practice. I can't wait to go back uni. I feel grown up there. And life is so colourful there. LOL. I totally didn't mean that I can't wait to grow up and get old. I just like the freedom I get and make decisions on my own in a lot of things that I do.

I know it's gonna be a challenging semester for me. I have new commitments and a lot of near future goals that I want to achieve. I pray hard everything will go smooth sailing and I'll be strong enough to go through whatever that may be an obstacle for me.

I'm gonna party hard and work even harder! :)

BEACH!

I never knew I love the beach so much.

I was wayyy to excited when we were heading there and I was smiling from ear to ear the whole time!

We did the parasail and jetski which is totally awesome pawsome and we were screaming most of the time! But our thighs hurt like shit while jet skiing, no joke it totally felt like sex on the beach.

Awesome group picture! :D

And thank you both of you girls for coming all the way to Penang to get excited together! :D

S for satisfaction

Nyaaaa I'm so sorry for the hiatus again and as promised here are more pictures from Communication Night 2011 :D There are more in my facebook anyway.

Here's a full body picture of my. Credits to Apple!

With the Prom Princess! <3

This girl so freggin pretty right!

My awesome senior! :D

And my awesome lecturer whose favourite song is 'So What' by Pink! LOL

My favourite girls in Uni! <3

I've been lazy+busy lately. Yeah you didn't got me wrong...busy yet lazy hence here comes unproductive days. Its study week now but I've been doing the least revision I could. Yeah no effort =/ I gotta kick my ass to stop procrastinating tomorrow onwards! *promises self*

So I am now an AIESEC member and as a newbie we had to organize Team Day to let us, the Project Management team, to bond. So we went for paintball as it was something new to most of the members in the team and its really good for team building! We had a one whole day out from noon till dinner :D

The Paintball game was fun of course but the pain caused was really...hmm I dont know if the pain is worth the fun. I had two major bruises this time!

on my arm and..

and my thigh.

Ouch right? Both was swollen =[

Anywayyyyy its really fun, not the game itself actually, but its how we all can actually bond and make better friends after Team Day!

I was so glad that everything went well as planned and it actually turned out great! :D

We had the Guardian and Angel game as well during Team Day and today is the Guardian revealing day! I managed to give my lil angel a bag of gift to make him happy but anonymously haha. The satisfaction of seeing him feeling so happy was priceless :D

and this was what I posted in facebook to reveal myself :D

Bitchy Beach

Feel like going for an escape.

I miss the beach moments,

The cold salty sea water,

The sound of waves,

The irritating sand,

The stupid hot sun,

The endless laughters,

The tiring walks and chases,

And the wonderful people I spent on the beach with.

I miss them all.

Am hoping for a wonderful weekend.

Hopefully it will be for everyone as well :)

xoxo,

Ciara

My way

Its a fact that everyone is greedy. I'm no exceptional. Most people will have thoughts like "I want this I want that" and they will never have enough. Its not an unusual thing to be greedy but its how greedy you can be differs yourself from others. I guess I should lower my greed and be more grateful of what I have now. I'm all good and fine now. Why ask for more? Why take so much trouble to gain more and more when what is available is more than enough, right?

Its a rainy Wednesday and I miss rainy days. It gives me a reason to wear long sleeves which I actually adore but I can't endure being warm and sweaty so thats why I hardly wear them. Not today either. I did not step out of my room since I woke up at 12.00pm today. I couldn't get up when the alarm rang hence I skipped my lecture. Its not really a class that I think its worth going thus I didn't mind skipping it even though I set my alarm the night before to wake me up for class. My actions are actually ironic. Haha yes.

My thoughts have been running wildly in my head today. Thinking about a lot of things that are going on and what do I have to do to escape from this pathetic situation I am in. I'm now such a mess [academic wise]. I need motivation. I need inspiration. But still I need A LOT of entertainment which totally kills me [mentally]. I want things to go my way all the time, I want things that I like to be around me all the time, I want people that I like to be around me and I want to do things that I like to do always! You see greed in me now, don't you? Yes I am like that. Pathetic.

I've been looking through a lot of old pictures and I found these!

Thats Vivian and I hahaha good ol' times :)

and the noisy people back in school. Look at how much we have all changed! Geez..

This is the only picture of us in tuition that I have =.=' Tuition moments are the most unforgettable ones. We laugh so much during tuition and thats like the best part during school life. Look at Siksik, the girl of skin and bones and thats me in the middle and Meiwenn, the pervert girl and the naughty one big time. Then I found this!

Its her masterpiece obviously. Thank you Meiwenn for the ornaments on my face. =.='