I'm dejected too

A very rare '2posts-a-day' day.

I don't usually update much but for now I just don't feel like talking to anyone at all. I wana hide myself in a hole and stay out of the world. I just want to be alone. I don't want my emotions to affect me too much. I felt like a dumb blonde [sorry for stereotyping but imho I had the most 'dumb blonde moment ever!] and I totally felt like a bimbo.

But a part of me feels there's a need to let out my feelings. I will die if I let myself continue evolving in this emotion. Hence, blogging it is. A soliloquy is what I need. Not a real communication yet.

Its funny to see how my appetite deteriorate so drastically.

Last night I had 4 rounds of supper after dinner. No, I did not eat to make myself gain weight. I actually felt horrible eating but I just can't resist satisfying myself hunger. I was drooling over a packet of Maggi mee okay. T.T I was THAT serious.

But now, after this morning, when I had the stupidest moment ever, when I was striked by the biggest impact of the year [which was caused by myself] , my humongous appetite was swept away as quick as a wind blow.

I spent an hour to finish a cup of hot chocolate. And that was my lunch.

I'm now more ready than ever to expect your coming.

I'm surprised by the calls and messages I received. Very much appreciated. Really.

I really could use a wish right now..as how Hayley Williams sang it.

I want to turn back time. I wish to turn back 6 hours from now. Just 6 onlyyy. I will be really really grateful if it happens.

*smacks head* Dream on Ciara.. T.T

You know its surprising that recently a few people that I don't expect to hear from and are actually alert of my statuses. I don't mean facebook only [if that came to your mind as soon as you see the word 'status'] It feels good when you know that people still care and are not totally ignorant towards you.

Gahhh I better put myself together and get over this.

I'm optimistic and I will always be!

xoxo,

Ciara

Day 2

I had the most FML moment in my life.

Never ever this had happened to me. Guess there's always a first time for everything but this 'first time' is the last thing I ever wished that will happen.

I just can't believe how foolish I was and the state of depression I am in now, can't be expressed with words.

Wrong decisions are truly devastating.

There's no one I could blame. Its all my fault and I'm the only person that could help myself.

Seriously who on earth will let this happen to themselves?

Sitting here, stunned, still can't believe what I just did.

Feeling hopeless and stupid.

Feel like stabbing myself with a goddamn knife and shoot my head with a M16.

Even though the situation is not as horrible as it is seen but I just can't accept what happened. An hour an a half ago to be precise. The moment of panic, the moment of 'nothing-can-be-done' and the moment of disappointment. They strike so hard on me. And I'm still feeling it.

The impact is to big for me.

I'm not that easy going when it comes to this.

Its my priority and I'm ruining it.

Nothing comes before this and all the while it has been this way.

But.......................

Still stunned

Speechless.

Helpless.

FML

Day 1

Overslept.

1 paper.

Sunny side up.

Ariel.

Papaya.

Grades.

Online shopping disease.

Thunder.

Advertising.

They all came to me today.

But they all came together with love and care :D

I'm a lucky girl.

Lovey Dovey

I'm in such a lovey dovey mood all of a sudden. But a moment ago I was feeling stressed to the max =.= I need to speed up my revision but I can't seem to. I'm stressed but I'm still slacking. wtf.

Can't stop listening to 两个人不等于我们 by 王力宏...I think it repeated for almost four hours if i'm not mistaken =.='' I think thats the cause of me feeling lovey dovey. Hmm the effects of the media. You see how the media is able to stuff in ideology and messages to one's mind and affect one's mood and behaviour. I'm definitely a victim of the media.

I remember when I was in Bangkok in September, I was at this shop selling clothes? can't say its a boutique so yeah. Anyway, there's this lady was looking at the dresses at the same rack as I did and she was holing her handbag in her arms. So she managed to pick one dress and wanted to try it on and she asked her partner, I'm not sure if its her husband or boyfriend, to hold her bag. She went "Honey do you mind holding my bag for a while?" and her partner answered "I'd love to!" with a really sweet smile on his face :D I was actually stunned LOL. I didn't expect that answer from him and I expect to just hear a "sure!" or "of course" from him but he said "I'd love to!". I find that answer really rare. And its really sweet omg omg! That particular scene is still lingering in my mind hahaha

Leagues

"My dad says if you ever get to be with a girl who is too good for you, marry her"-Ashton Kutcher (Vatentine's Day)

How would you consider that a girl is too good for you?

You ever believe in the existence of leagues? Things like you both are of different leagues, when some said you both are at different leagues hence you're not meant to be together because there will be a gap in between or there are not much in common because the way you live and how you socialize is different. Many will agree with that because they agree that when you're with a guy/girl who is way too good for you, your self esteem will be lowered automatically.

But hey, to look in a different way or on a brighter note, its a great opportunity for you to improve yourself. Since you're already together it could possibly mean that the one from a higher league is partially accepting the one from the lower one. There will be expectations and demands but it is not really a bad thing. For me its healthy for self development wise.

But of course there will be a lot of tolerance needed.

It will not be good for you if you have low tolerance. Tolerating is not easy right. Especially if its for a long period of time.

In short, I don't agree with the thing when two person are of different leagues shouldn't be together. Somehow it could turn out to be great.

I saw this again on Janice's blog. I've seen this quote for many many times tho.

" Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lies under the stars and listen to your heartbeat or who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you are just as pretty without make up on. One who is constantly reminding you about how much he cares and how lucky is him to have you. The one who turns to his friend and said "That's her." "

Its not easy to find such a guy but it is not impossible.

To the guy who are able to do what was listed in the quote above: I know you're somewhere out there!

Many have asked me which type of guy are you attracted to?

I've not actually thought about this a lot and I've not tried listing it down the qualities or characteristics that I'm looking for.

Maybe I should give it a try haha. Some girls I know really do so. A checklist to evaluate a guy that they are interested in.

I guess my answer will be just like any other girl's answer. Those few basic things like a guy who's lovely, who cares and who loves you for who you are and etc. But for me knowing how to dress up and knowing how to cook is definitely a bonus. Hygienic is a must and I like those who smell good all the time. I would prefer someone who shares the same kind of interests with me and someone who love to go to the places that I like to go. And again, for sure if the guy is able to do what was listed in the quote above then it will be really really awesome. :D

I guess thats about it. My tolerance level is not that low. I'm pretty good at accepting I think.LOL

Anywayyyy, have a great week ahead everyone! For those who are sitting for exam ALL THE BEST! <3

p/s: I miss you guys! <3

xoxoxo,

Ciara

Grey Sunday

Not a good day today I suppose.

Not only for me but for some people around me as well.

Feeling exhausted.

Unproductive.

Busy.

Dropped my phone.

Horrible dinner.

Broke.

and bloated.

RAWR!!

Halloween

Hello lovelies!

So I spent my weekends in Genting. Not exactly that much of fun but still alright overall.

Halloween was great there because everyone seem to be in such a mood for Halloween. Many many dressed up as witches, devils, princesses and even clowns.

I was with one of them :)