Never ever this had happened to me. Guess there's always a first time for everything but this 'first time' is the last thing I ever wished that will happen.
I just can't believe how foolish I was and the state of depression I am in now, can't be expressed with words.
Wrong decisions are truly devastating.
There's no one I could blame. Its all my fault and I'm the only person that could help myself.
Seriously who on earth will let this happen to themselves?
Sitting here, stunned, still can't believe what I just did.
Feeling hopeless and stupid.
Feel like stabbing myself with a goddamn knife and shoot my head with a M16.
Even though the situation is not as horrible as it is seen but I just can't accept what happened. An hour an a half ago to be precise. The moment of panic, the moment of 'nothing-can-be-done' and the moment of disappointment. They strike so hard on me. And I'm still feeling it.
The impact is to big for me.
I'm not that easy going when it comes to this.
Its my priority and I'm ruining it.
Nothing comes before this and all the while it has been this way.
But.......................
Still stunned
Speechless.
Helpless.
FML
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