Devastated still..

I've never had so much obstacles at one point of time for such a long time already.

Usually it will be good things and misfortunes coming alternately but its been so long since the last time I felt everything feels so difficult and misfortunes keep attacking me. Wth.

I've been rather emotional since yesterday.

I would usually just rant and pour everything from my heart out to feel better but now when the worst happens..I really can't take it anymore.

I remember mentioning in my previous post that my grandmother was admitted to the hospital just a day or two before Chinese New Year and it was really really heart wrenching for me to see her being so weak and struggling so much to move due to stroke. Its her first time ever spending her time in the hospital ward during Chinese New Year and now she has left even before Chinese New Year has ended....

I still remember vividly few years back she was still healthy and strong even though she was already in her mid 80s and I only needed to hold her hands while walking her from one place to another may it be going out for breakfast, lunch or dinner. Then during one period of time she became so weak drastically. I had to hold her arms while walking her and I have to fully support her when she go up or down the staircase. She would need minutes to go up a few steps of stairs and she need to grab my arms tightly to support herself. Whenever we go out I would help her to get down from the car and then help her to get into the house. I was so worried that point of time and I used to ask my mom 'Why grandma has become so weak all of a sudden?' I was too worried that she will fall sick and gradually I could see that there were more and more things that she weren't able to do anymore :(

I was driving on Tuesday evening and I received a call from my mom. She was crying on the phone and told me the news. I totally went blank. I didn't what to do and which direction to go. I couldn't cry because I was working and I had to just control myself the whole time till the job was done. After that I was all tears. I was too devastated for not being able to say goodbye. I didn't even bid a proper farewell the last time I met her. She was resting and I didn't get the chance to.. T.T and I'm still crying like a child while typing this.

The funeral is on Saturday morning. I really really want to attend. I am really desperate to go back but I have mid term test on Friday. One paper at 8am and another one at 8.30pm. I have no idea how to get home by Saturday morning but I am really desperate to get back. I have asked around and even posted on Facebook. Yes I am really that desperate. But I still don't have any idea how am I able to get home on Friday night. Hopefully there will be a way.