Friday, May 13, 2011

Sick

I posted a new post yesterday and its gone. I'm very sure I published it but its really gone now. What happened?

Sigh. I had one of the worst days ever. I was fuck emotional the whole day.
So emotional that I felt like breaking down every single minute =/
But I couldn't when I was out and was working. Now that I'm alone...I just can't help it T.T

I have too many passive people around me which is really sad. I love to be around enthusiastic people and bubbly people who loves to talk as much as I do and like to share things. But when people around you are passive in a sense that they are close to you, but refuse to take part in things that you want to do with them together and are always closing ears to open conversations or folding arms to avoid becoming the one to initiate. Its really irritating and when that happens their sincerity becomes really ironic when they say "Lets do this or that" or "I wanna do this or that" but those are merely just words without meanings and are virtual wills. I don't like that!

I'm sick of being the backbone and I'm sick of initiating every time. I'm tired of being aggressive all the time.

Things have changed but I am living in denial. Why?
Now it seems that I am asking too much..I talk too much..I am more defensive..I am naggy whiny and a joy killer. Why it has become like this? and why when I am like this the listener often shut ears and walk off.
I'm no more the priority.
I'm no more the reason of everything that happens.
I'm no more the shoulder to lie on.
I'm no more the comfort zone...isn't it?

I can't believe I still want this after all that I've been through. FML!

On a brighter note, I celebrated Mother's Day with mom day after I got back from KL coz I was in KL during that weekend =/ *guilty* so lunch date with mama dearest it was!



bad lighting =/ but it wasn't burnt anyway haha. Lamb ribs-half slab.

ceasar salad.

Supermom and I!


Lets just wish for a better day tomorrow.